It's over. The honeymoon has ended. This afternoon brought this fact screaming into reality for me as I crouched on the floor with tears threatening to spill as I held tight to a sobbing, angry, sad toddler who wanted to get away from me as he pinched both my arms and then signed and said "Hurt Momma", until he eventually vomitted due to his distress. All because he couldn't go outside.
A couple of hours alone with both my children and this is what takes place. What the hell am I going to do once B returns to work? This no lifting for 6 weeks is absolutely painful....mentally...to both W & me. I feel like I've lost him. In the past 10 days I have only put him down for a nap twice and (both times B had to go in and sing to him in order for him to settle) and got him up in the morning twice (to which W is asking for his Da). B is the bedtime guy, the fun play in the yard guy, the everything guy. And I am the sit and do very little gal. Not being able to carry and lift W is hurtful. Hurts my heart.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Honeymoon Finale
It's over. The honeymoon has ended. This afternoon brought this fact screaming into reality for me as I crouched on the floor with tears threatening to spill as I held tight to a sobbing, angry, sad toddler who wanted to get away from me as he pinched both my arms and then signed and said "Hurt Momma", until he eventually vomitted due to his distress. All because he couldn't go outside.
A couple of hours alone with both my children and this is what takes place. What the hell am I going to do once B returns to work? This no lifting for 6 weeks is absolutely painful....mentally...to both W & me. I feel like I've lost him. In the past 10 days I have only put him down for a nap twice and (both times B had to go in and sing to him in order for him to settle) and got him up in the morning twice (to which W is asking for his Da). B is the bedtime guy, the fun play in the yard guy, the everything guy. And I am the sit and do very little gal. Not being able to carry and lift W is hurtful. Hurts my heart.
A couple of hours alone with both my children and this is what takes place. What the hell am I going to do once B returns to work? This no lifting for 6 weeks is absolutely painful....mentally...to both W & me. I feel like I've lost him. In the past 10 days I have only put him down for a nap twice and (both times B had to go in and sing to him in order for him to settle) and got him up in the morning twice (to which W is asking for his Da). B is the bedtime guy, the fun play in the yard guy, the everything guy. And I am the sit and do very little gal. Not being able to carry and lift W is hurtful. Hurts my heart.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
One Week
A week ago today we were anxiously awaiting the arrival of our baby "girl". Now, here we are settling into life as a family of four with two beautiful boys!
Our new little fella is a doll. He's content, happy to be fed, cuddled, petted by his older brother, and a pretty fair sleeper. R already sleeps 4 hr stretches at night. Obviously he's getting enough to eat as his birth weight was 8 lb 13oz and now he's at 9lb 7oz! His dad says I'm a good "milker". Holstein or Guernsy?
This week has gone so fast. Soon the boys will be out on dates & I'll be blogging about the perils of middle age. Slow this boat down!
One Week
A week ago today we were anxiously awaiting the arrival of our baby "girl". Now, here we are settling into life as a family of four with two beautiful boys!
Our new little fella is a doll. He's content, happy to be fed, cuddled, petted by his older brother, and a pretty fair sleeper. R already sleeps 4 hr stretches at night. Obviously he's getting enough to eat as his birth weight was 8 lb 13oz and now he's at 9lb 7oz! His dad says I'm a good "milker". Holstein or Guernsy?
This week has gone so fast. Soon the boys will be out on dates & I'll be blogging about the perils of middle age. Slow this boat down!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
He's Here!
Welcome little squishy face boy! Just an hour or so old in this pic.Three days ago we welcomed into the world our new little fella. R weighed in at 8lb13oz...which was such a big shock as he's so little!! We have no clothes or diapers in that size range. What happened to our 12lb baby? The nurses in recovery laughed at my response to his weight..."My baby?! He's so little!"
He's lovely. Just so sweet. So cuddly. And we can't get enough of him.
W even likes him! "Bup" (which means Baby in W's lingo). W waves to him, lays his cheek on his head while R is nursing, touches his nose & eyes, & has offered to brush his teeth. So far so good! We have found that letting W know what we're doing next with R diminishes whining and the urge to strike out at Bup.
We are so glad that the decision was made to have a cesarean. What a different experience! The staff at the Rockyview were phenomenal. The surgery, albeit frightening at the time, went so quickly. R was born at 1610 and I was in recovery at 1624. Amazing. We even lucked out and were given a private room! There is something to be said for privacy. This made such a positive impact on our stay.
...and of a most important note...my favorite husband is amazing. There is no way I could have calmly gone through this experience without him. His attentiveness, calm demeanor, and willingness to be at my beck & call was more helpful than a few sentences can convey. Of course, there were ups & downs at the hopsital but having B through it all is what made the difference.
I am so grateful. I have three beautiful boys in my life.
Now, our MWB name is defunct. What shall it become?
W's first meeting with R.
He's Here!
Welcome little squishy face boy! Just an hour or so old in this pic.Three days ago we welcomed into the world our new little fella. R weighed in at 8lb13oz...which was such a big shock as he's so little!! We have no clothes or diapers in that size range. What happened to our 12lb baby? The nurses in recovery laughed at my response to his weight..."My baby?! He's so little!"
He's lovely. Just so sweet. So cuddly. And we can't get enough of him.
W even likes him! "Bup" (which means Baby in W's lingo). W waves to him, lays his cheek on his head while R is nursing, touches his nose & eyes, & has offered to brush his teeth. So far so good! We have found that letting W know what we're doing next with R diminishes whining and the urge to strike out at Bup.
We are so glad that the decision was made to have a cesarean. What a different experience! The staff at the Rockyview were phenomenal. The surgery, albeit frightening at the time, went so quickly. R was born at 1610 and I was in recovery at 1624. Amazing. We even lucked out and were given a private room! There is something to be said for privacy. This made such a positive impact on our stay.
...and of a most important note...my favorite husband is amazing. There is no way I could have calmly gone through this experience without him. His attentiveness, calm demeanor, and willingness to be at my beck & call was more helpful than a few sentences can convey. Of course, there were ups & downs at the hopsital but having B through it all is what made the difference.
I am so grateful. I have three beautiful boys in my life.
Now, our MWB name is defunct. What shall it become?
W's first meeting with R.
Friday, May 18, 2007
40 Weeks
40 weeks of incubating.
10 or so pounds (unbelievable).
51 inch waist.
Sleepless nights.
The world's smallest bladder.
Feet that have disappeared.
A stomach that ebbs & flows on it's own.
Flat, non-existant belly button.
Dreams of what this little "appleseed" will look like.
And tomorrow, it's all over.
It's all beginning.
40 Weeks
40 weeks of incubating.
10 or so pounds (unbelievable).
51 inch waist.
Sleepless nights.
The world's smallest bladder.
Feet that have disappeared.
A stomach that ebbs & flows on it's own.
Flat, non-existant belly button.
Dreams of what this little "appleseed" will look like.
And tomorrow, it's all over.
It's all beginning.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Super Easy Baby Booties
Now showing the latest knitting project. Super Easy Baby Booties! These took less than two hours to complete. They don't look quite like the pattern picture and it's highly unlikely that any baby of mine will have feet that small, but they're kind of cute all the same.
Maybe I'll tackle these next. But then again, that may not happen for a while as I may be a tad distracted as Baby is arriving in two more days.
Super Easy Baby Booties
Now showing the latest knitting project. Super Easy Baby Booties! These took less than two hours to complete. They don't look quite like the pattern picture and it's highly unlikely that any baby of mine will have feet that small, but they're kind of cute all the same.
Maybe I'll tackle these next. But then again, that may not happen for a while as I may be a tad distracted as Baby is arriving in two more days.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Happy Mother's Day
Happy Mother's Day
Friday, May 11, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Baby News
First off, a late congrats to friends who have all their babies home. Their little wonder-triplets were born in January at 20some weeks gestation, overcame many obstacles, and are now all home. Yay! Now the real work begins for their family as life with 4 children under the age of 2yrs commences. Welcome home little ones!
Our baby is set to arrive on Saturday May 19th. After much deliberation, discussion and many tears we have decided to go ahead with a planned cesarean. I now feel very good about this decision. It certainly wasn't taken lightly as I am very pro natural birth & do what's best for baby and don't really believe in elective c-sections for the sake of convenience. It's major surgery! Yes, it's still a little scary and there are points that I need to wrap my head around, but it's the best decision for my health and potentially baby's as well. My favorite husband, our doula, doctor and the ob-gyn have been more than supportive and encouraging which assists in peace of mind too. So, the count down is officially on. Besides, with a cesarean who cares if this one is 12lbs (W was 10lbs)? Heck, "she" could be 14lbs and all would be well. My nether regions will thank me for this choice!
So, the next decision to make is that since I will be in surgery should I go ahead and have permanent sterilization completed. Hmmm....Hey! I should just ask them to take out anything that may be extra or unnecessary and tighten a few things up too. A spring tune up! "While you're in there have a good look around and....."
Our baby is set to arrive on Saturday May 19th. After much deliberation, discussion and many tears we have decided to go ahead with a planned cesarean. I now feel very good about this decision. It certainly wasn't taken lightly as I am very pro natural birth & do what's best for baby and don't really believe in elective c-sections for the sake of convenience. It's major surgery! Yes, it's still a little scary and there are points that I need to wrap my head around, but it's the best decision for my health and potentially baby's as well. My favorite husband, our doula, doctor and the ob-gyn have been more than supportive and encouraging which assists in peace of mind too. So, the count down is officially on. Besides, with a cesarean who cares if this one is 12lbs (W was 10lbs)? Heck, "she" could be 14lbs and all would be well. My nether regions will thank me for this choice!
So, the next decision to make is that since I will be in surgery should I go ahead and have permanent sterilization completed. Hmmm....Hey! I should just ask them to take out anything that may be extra or unnecessary and tighten a few things up too. A spring tune up! "While you're in there have a good look around and....."
Baby News
First off, a late congrats to friends who have all their babies home. Their little wonder-triplets were born in January at 20some weeks gestation, overcame many obstacles, and are now all home. Yay! Now the real work begins for their family as life with 4 children under the age of 2yrs commences. Welcome home little ones!
Our baby is set to arrive on Saturday May 19th. After much deliberation, discussion and many tears we have decided to go ahead with a planned cesarean. I now feel very good about this decision. It certainly wasn't taken lightly as I am very pro natural birth & do what's best for baby and don't really believe in elective c-sections for the sake of convenience. It's major surgery! Yes, it's still a little scary and there are points that I need to wrap my head around, but it's the best decision for my health and potentially baby's as well. My favorite husband, our doula, doctor and the ob-gyn have been more than supportive and encouraging which assists in peace of mind too. So, the count down is officially on. Besides, with a cesarean who cares if this one is 12lbs (W was 10lbs)? Heck, "she" could be 14lbs and all would be well. My nether regions will thank me for this choice!
So, the next decision to make is that since I will be in surgery should I go ahead and have permanent sterilization completed. Hmmm....Hey! I should just ask them to take out anything that may be extra or unnecessary and tighten a few things up too. A spring tune up! "While you're in there have a good look around and....."
Our baby is set to arrive on Saturday May 19th. After much deliberation, discussion and many tears we have decided to go ahead with a planned cesarean. I now feel very good about this decision. It certainly wasn't taken lightly as I am very pro natural birth & do what's best for baby and don't really believe in elective c-sections for the sake of convenience. It's major surgery! Yes, it's still a little scary and there are points that I need to wrap my head around, but it's the best decision for my health and potentially baby's as well. My favorite husband, our doula, doctor and the ob-gyn have been more than supportive and encouraging which assists in peace of mind too. So, the count down is officially on. Besides, with a cesarean who cares if this one is 12lbs (W was 10lbs)? Heck, "she" could be 14lbs and all would be well. My nether regions will thank me for this choice!
So, the next decision to make is that since I will be in surgery should I go ahead and have permanent sterilization completed. Hmmm....Hey! I should just ask them to take out anything that may be extra or unnecessary and tighten a few things up too. A spring tune up! "While you're in there have a good look around and....."
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Random Things...
Thanks to Mrs. Mittens and firstly Carpenter Girl for this game of tag.
Here goes....
1. In Jr. High & High School I wore casts on my legs off and on for two years due to knee problems. The Drs thought it would take the pressure off my knees and maybe slow down my growth. Which explains why I'm just shy of 6ft. Damn!
2. As a child I was a shy cry baby. HATED going to birthday parties and such...would cry when it came time to play games & cling to my mom.
3. I love, love, love popcorn! Buttery stove top popcorn prepared using the Whirly Pop. Actually, popcorn was the cause of one of my most memorable spankings as a kid because my dad wouldn't let me hold the bowl so I called him a pig. Yowza!
4. I miss wine. I love wine. Dr. ZenZen where are you?
5. I hate being licked. Any pet that licks grosses me out. They are no longer a friend of mine. Ugh.
6. My husband and I first met when I was 15yrs old. In fact we shared a few kisses in those highschool years. Lost touch for 15 yrs or so and now here we are. Fairytale stuff.
7. Part of my heart lies in Kentucky. That's where my grandmother was born and raised. I have many fond memories of trips there to visit wonderful nonagenarian relatives. They're all gone now, but my heart will always be there and with them.
Here goes....
1. In Jr. High & High School I wore casts on my legs off and on for two years due to knee problems. The Drs thought it would take the pressure off my knees and maybe slow down my growth. Which explains why I'm just shy of 6ft. Damn!
2. As a child I was a shy cry baby. HATED going to birthday parties and such...would cry when it came time to play games & cling to my mom.
3. I love, love, love popcorn! Buttery stove top popcorn prepared using the Whirly Pop. Actually, popcorn was the cause of one of my most memorable spankings as a kid because my dad wouldn't let me hold the bowl so I called him a pig. Yowza!
4. I miss wine. I love wine. Dr. ZenZen where are you?
5. I hate being licked. Any pet that licks grosses me out. They are no longer a friend of mine. Ugh.
6. My husband and I first met when I was 15yrs old. In fact we shared a few kisses in those highschool years. Lost touch for 15 yrs or so and now here we are. Fairytale stuff.
7. Part of my heart lies in Kentucky. That's where my grandmother was born and raised. I have many fond memories of trips there to visit wonderful nonagenarian relatives. They're all gone now, but my heart will always be there and with them.
Random Things...
Thanks to Mrs. Mittens and firstly Carpenter Girl for this game of tag.
Here goes....
1. In Jr. High & High School I wore casts on my legs off and on for two years due to knee problems. The Drs thought it would take the pressure off my knees and maybe slow down my growth. Which explains why I'm just shy of 6ft. Damn!
2. As a child I was a shy cry baby. HATED going to birthday parties and such...would cry when it came time to play games & cling to my mom.
3. I love, love, love popcorn! Buttery stove top popcorn prepared using the Whirly Pop. Actually, popcorn was the cause of one of my most memorable spankings as a kid because my dad wouldn't let me hold the bowl so I called him a pig. Yowza!
4. I miss wine. I love wine. Dr. ZenZen where are you?
5. I hate being licked. Any pet that licks grosses me out. They are no longer a friend of mine. Ugh.
6. My husband and I first met when I was 15yrs old. In fact we shared a few kisses in those highschool years. Lost touch for 15 yrs or so and now here we are. Fairytale stuff.
7. Part of my heart lies in Kentucky. That's where my grandmother was born and raised. I have many fond memories of trips there to visit wonderful nonagenarian relatives. They're all gone now, but my heart will always be there and with them.
Here goes....
1. In Jr. High & High School I wore casts on my legs off and on for two years due to knee problems. The Drs thought it would take the pressure off my knees and maybe slow down my growth. Which explains why I'm just shy of 6ft. Damn!
2. As a child I was a shy cry baby. HATED going to birthday parties and such...would cry when it came time to play games & cling to my mom.
3. I love, love, love popcorn! Buttery stove top popcorn prepared using the Whirly Pop. Actually, popcorn was the cause of one of my most memorable spankings as a kid because my dad wouldn't let me hold the bowl so I called him a pig. Yowza!
4. I miss wine. I love wine. Dr. ZenZen where are you?
5. I hate being licked. Any pet that licks grosses me out. They are no longer a friend of mine. Ugh.
6. My husband and I first met when I was 15yrs old. In fact we shared a few kisses in those highschool years. Lost touch for 15 yrs or so and now here we are. Fairytale stuff.
7. Part of my heart lies in Kentucky. That's where my grandmother was born and raised. I have many fond memories of trips there to visit wonderful nonagenarian relatives. They're all gone now, but my heart will always be there and with them.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
???
Is it only just Tuesday?
Still May?
Oh, I wish it were June...or even July.
Is there an attitude adjustment needed?
Absolutely. Just tell me where to get the alignment and I may just sign up.
Still May?
Oh, I wish it were June...or even July.
Is there an attitude adjustment needed?
Absolutely. Just tell me where to get the alignment and I may just sign up.
???
Is it only just Tuesday?
Still May?
Oh, I wish it were June...or even July.
Is there an attitude adjustment needed?
Absolutely. Just tell me where to get the alignment and I may just sign up.
Still May?
Oh, I wish it were June...or even July.
Is there an attitude adjustment needed?
Absolutely. Just tell me where to get the alignment and I may just sign up.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Found
Today I found this...and they're coming to see me tomorrow. Yes! There is nothing like a convenient, therapeutic in-home massage. If all goes well, I'm tempted to schedule one for every second day until this baby arrives.
Earlier this morning while W was playing with the canned goods in the pantry, as he so often does and loves to do, he became very quiet and still. Upon opening the pantry door, I heard a little boy exclaim "Oh no! Oh no!" and found that Thyme is not on my side....regardless of what the song says.
Also, day time child care has been found for those events at which it's just not appropriate (or fair to W) to take our little fella along. Relief! It's a bit of an odd feeling, but relief as well. There's a day home just down the street from us that is willing to take W on a casual basis. She is referred by a friend who's son has been there for 4 yrs. W and I met the group this morning for a play date/meeting and all seems well. He was happily playing amongst the three other children and the provider and I were able to chat. I never thought I would be putting my child in a day home at all, but knowing anyone who is interested or able to provide daytime childcare is more difficult that one might think. Hopefully this works out well. In addition I have just found a babysitting coop for our community which I'll be checking out this week. It's a great concept. The reciprocal babysitting plan is brilliant. That said, I feel I barely have the energy to properly care for W these days let alone additional children, so it'll probably be a future option once the new babe has arrived and settled in.
So, if events/news travels in threes, then I have had my three for the day. May you experience the power of three today!
Earlier this morning while W was playing with the canned goods in the pantry, as he so often does and loves to do, he became very quiet and still. Upon opening the pantry door, I heard a little boy exclaim "Oh no! Oh no!" and found that Thyme is not on my side....regardless of what the song says.
Also, day time child care has been found for those events at which it's just not appropriate (or fair to W) to take our little fella along. Relief! It's a bit of an odd feeling, but relief as well. There's a day home just down the street from us that is willing to take W on a casual basis. She is referred by a friend who's son has been there for 4 yrs. W and I met the group this morning for a play date/meeting and all seems well. He was happily playing amongst the three other children and the provider and I were able to chat. I never thought I would be putting my child in a day home at all, but knowing anyone who is interested or able to provide daytime childcare is more difficult that one might think. Hopefully this works out well. In addition I have just found a babysitting coop for our community which I'll be checking out this week. It's a great concept. The reciprocal babysitting plan is brilliant. That said, I feel I barely have the energy to properly care for W these days let alone additional children, so it'll probably be a future option once the new babe has arrived and settled in.
So, if events/news travels in threes, then I have had my three for the day. May you experience the power of three today!
Found
Today I found this...and they're coming to see me tomorrow. Yes! There is nothing like a convenient, therapeutic in-home massage. If all goes well, I'm tempted to schedule one for every second day until this baby arrives.
Earlier this morning while W was playing with the canned goods in the pantry, as he so often does and loves to do, he became very quiet and still. Upon opening the pantry door, I heard a little boy exclaim "Oh no! Oh no!" and found that Thyme is not on my side....regardless of what the song says.
Also, day time child care has been found for those events at which it's just not appropriate (or fair to W) to take our little fella along. Relief! It's a bit of an odd feeling, but relief as well. There's a day home just down the street from us that is willing to take W on a casual basis. She is referred by a friend who's son has been there for 4 yrs. W and I met the group this morning for a play date/meeting and all seems well. He was happily playing amongst the three other children and the provider and I were able to chat. I never thought I would be putting my child in a day home at all, but knowing anyone who is interested or able to provide daytime childcare is more difficult that one might think. Hopefully this works out well. In addition I have just found a babysitting coop for our community which I'll be checking out this week. It's a great concept. The reciprocal babysitting plan is brilliant. That said, I feel I barely have the energy to properly care for W these days let alone additional children, so it'll probably be a future option once the new babe has arrived and settled in.
So, if events/news travels in threes, then I have had my three for the day. May you experience the power of three today!
Earlier this morning while W was playing with the canned goods in the pantry, as he so often does and loves to do, he became very quiet and still. Upon opening the pantry door, I heard a little boy exclaim "Oh no! Oh no!" and found that Thyme is not on my side....regardless of what the song says.
Also, day time child care has been found for those events at which it's just not appropriate (or fair to W) to take our little fella along. Relief! It's a bit of an odd feeling, but relief as well. There's a day home just down the street from us that is willing to take W on a casual basis. She is referred by a friend who's son has been there for 4 yrs. W and I met the group this morning for a play date/meeting and all seems well. He was happily playing amongst the three other children and the provider and I were able to chat. I never thought I would be putting my child in a day home at all, but knowing anyone who is interested or able to provide daytime childcare is more difficult that one might think. Hopefully this works out well. In addition I have just found a babysitting coop for our community which I'll be checking out this week. It's a great concept. The reciprocal babysitting plan is brilliant. That said, I feel I barely have the energy to properly care for W these days let alone additional children, so it'll probably be a future option once the new babe has arrived and settled in.
So, if events/news travels in threes, then I have had my three for the day. May you experience the power of three today!
Friday, May 4, 2007
Knitting Project...aka Fredericks of Hollywood Style
What do you think of this?
Should this be my next knitting project?
Post baby attire.
Breastfeeding & knitting outfit extrodinaire?
Knitting Project...aka Fredericks of Hollywood Style
What do you think of this?
Should this be my next knitting project?
Post baby attire.
Breastfeeding & knitting outfit extrodinaire?
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Anything For You Baby!
An entry or two past I mentioned that my favorite husband is slightly obsessed with these guys right now. Well, it turns out I'm the true musical genius...uh...geek. (Musical Geeks Are Us....that's me!) Today I joined their fan club with the intention of beating the box office to purchase tickets for their upcoming show in July. (As a side note this could be dangerous....now that I know how easy it is I could join a multitude of fan clubs just to have kick a**! seats at concerts. Hmmm....who else is coming to town?) What an efficient personal shoppper I am!
We are going to rock on with the boys from Hanna while seated in row 1. Wuhoo!
I bet my husband REALLY loves me today!
We are going to rock on with the boys from Hanna while seated in row 1. Wuhoo!
I bet my husband REALLY loves me today!
Anything For You Baby!
An entry or two past I mentioned that my favorite husband is slightly obsessed with these guys right now. Well, it turns out I'm the true musical genius...uh...geek. (Musical Geeks Are Us....that's me!) Today I joined their fan club with the intention of beating the box office to purchase tickets for their upcoming show in July. (As a side note this could be dangerous....now that I know how easy it is I could join a multitude of fan clubs just to have kick a**! seats at concerts. Hmmm....who else is coming to town?) What an efficient personal shoppper I am!
We are going to rock on with the boys from Hanna while seated in row 1. Wuhoo!
I bet my husband REALLY loves me today!
We are going to rock on with the boys from Hanna while seated in row 1. Wuhoo!
I bet my husband REALLY loves me today!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
May Day
It just occured to me that it's May Day. How I miss May Day celebrations.
A dear friend and I used to gather in a park to celebrate by burning items or even just pieces of paper with words that represent situations, events, people, etc in our lives that we were wanting to release. Very fun. Very freeing.
I could use a little witchiness today!
Find your way to celebrate this spring festival of the soul!
A dear friend and I used to gather in a park to celebrate by burning items or even just pieces of paper with words that represent situations, events, people, etc in our lives that we were wanting to release. Very fun. Very freeing.
I could use a little witchiness today!
Find your way to celebrate this spring festival of the soul!
May Day
It just occured to me that it's May Day. How I miss May Day celebrations.
A dear friend and I used to gather in a park to celebrate by burning items or even just pieces of paper with words that represent situations, events, people, etc in our lives that we were wanting to release. Very fun. Very freeing.
I could use a little witchiness today!
Find your way to celebrate this spring festival of the soul!
A dear friend and I used to gather in a park to celebrate by burning items or even just pieces of paper with words that represent situations, events, people, etc in our lives that we were wanting to release. Very fun. Very freeing.
I could use a little witchiness today!
Find your way to celebrate this spring festival of the soul!
Pregnant Pause
This pregnancy is officially considered full term. Time has passed so quickly. Outwardly I am ready for our new baby to join the family. It'll be lovely to have a little warm bundle to snuggle and enjoy each baby stage.
However, inwardly I am not ready for this pregnancy to end. At the moment, I am not ready for labour, delivery or the post partum healing. This unease is very strong. Maybe it's because I think I know what to expect? Truthfully it's because I am scared and scarred from the previous birth experience. It's no secret that it was awful and traumatic on many levels. So be it. It's over and done with. I have a new physician which will make a marked difference. Yet, my mindset is realing with what was and possibly imposing that what was will be again.(What we focus on we create, right?) The other challenge is convincing myself that I can cope and handle this and that whatever happens is my responsibility and no one can do anything to me. Today, I was enlightened as it was stated to me that I have a victim's mindset and I desperately need to change this or my body won't let this baby go. Talk about being laid wide open. Oh, I so do not want to even go there. I don't want to examine my fears and then turn it around into plan...."If this (the worst) happens then this is how I will cope." My head and heart knows that I need to do this....it's really not an option...but the search within is often frightening.
It was also brought up that it would be a wonderful action for me to cocoon myself. Make daily quiet time for me. Meaning elliminate some committments from my life such as choir and social activities. The good thing is I made a point of not scheduling any social events this month due to the pending arrival of our babe. (Other than mom's group & hopefully play dates with pals.)Choir...well....I'm not keen on letting it go just yet. Although, after my little escapade on Thursday it may not be such a bad idea! :)
Where do I go from here? I would really like to check into a hotel in an unknown destination and quietly spend the rest of the month there. But that's not an option. Hmmm.....what are my options....where's my thinking cap?
By the way....can I just comment that going to the doctor weekly during the last bit of pregnancy is a complete waste of time? Really...5 min with the Dr. for a bp check, heart beat listen and measurement of the belly. I know I still have a pulse, there is still a prominent bump that moves often & on it's own protruding from my front so all is well.
Okay, there's my rant and fearful attitude.
However, inwardly I am not ready for this pregnancy to end. At the moment, I am not ready for labour, delivery or the post partum healing. This unease is very strong. Maybe it's because I think I know what to expect? Truthfully it's because I am scared and scarred from the previous birth experience. It's no secret that it was awful and traumatic on many levels. So be it. It's over and done with. I have a new physician which will make a marked difference. Yet, my mindset is realing with what was and possibly imposing that what was will be again.(What we focus on we create, right?) The other challenge is convincing myself that I can cope and handle this and that whatever happens is my responsibility and no one can do anything to me. Today, I was enlightened as it was stated to me that I have a victim's mindset and I desperately need to change this or my body won't let this baby go. Talk about being laid wide open. Oh, I so do not want to even go there. I don't want to examine my fears and then turn it around into plan...."If this (the worst) happens then this is how I will cope." My head and heart knows that I need to do this....it's really not an option...but the search within is often frightening.
It was also brought up that it would be a wonderful action for me to cocoon myself. Make daily quiet time for me. Meaning elliminate some committments from my life such as choir and social activities. The good thing is I made a point of not scheduling any social events this month due to the pending arrival of our babe. (Other than mom's group & hopefully play dates with pals.)Choir...well....I'm not keen on letting it go just yet. Although, after my little escapade on Thursday it may not be such a bad idea! :)
Where do I go from here? I would really like to check into a hotel in an unknown destination and quietly spend the rest of the month there. But that's not an option. Hmmm.....what are my options....where's my thinking cap?
By the way....can I just comment that going to the doctor weekly during the last bit of pregnancy is a complete waste of time? Really...5 min with the Dr. for a bp check, heart beat listen and measurement of the belly. I know I still have a pulse, there is still a prominent bump that moves often & on it's own protruding from my front so all is well.
Okay, there's my rant and fearful attitude.
Pregnant Pause
This pregnancy is officially considered full term. Time has passed so quickly. Outwardly I am ready for our new baby to join the family. It'll be lovely to have a little warm bundle to snuggle and enjoy each baby stage.
However, inwardly I am not ready for this pregnancy to end. At the moment, I am not ready for labour, delivery or the post partum healing. This unease is very strong. Maybe it's because I think I know what to expect? Truthfully it's because I am scared and scarred from the previous birth experience. It's no secret that it was awful and traumatic on many levels. So be it. It's over and done with. I have a new physician which will make a marked difference. Yet, my mindset is realing with what was and possibly imposing that what was will be again.(What we focus on we create, right?) The other challenge is convincing myself that I can cope and handle this and that whatever happens is my responsibility and no one can do anything to me. Today, I was enlightened as it was stated to me that I have a victim's mindset and I desperately need to change this or my body won't let this baby go. Talk about being laid wide open. Oh, I so do not want to even go there. I don't want to examine my fears and then turn it around into plan...."If this (the worst) happens then this is how I will cope." My head and heart knows that I need to do this....it's really not an option...but the search within is often frightening.
It was also brought up that it would be a wonderful action for me to cocoon myself. Make daily quiet time for me. Meaning elliminate some committments from my life such as choir and social activities. The good thing is I made a point of not scheduling any social events this month due to the pending arrival of our babe. (Other than mom's group & hopefully play dates with pals.)Choir...well....I'm not keen on letting it go just yet. Although, after my little escapade on Thursday it may not be such a bad idea! :)
Where do I go from here? I would really like to check into a hotel in an unknown destination and quietly spend the rest of the month there. But that's not an option. Hmmm.....what are my options....where's my thinking cap?
By the way....can I just comment that going to the doctor weekly during the last bit of pregnancy is a complete waste of time? Really...5 min with the Dr. for a bp check, heart beat listen and measurement of the belly. I know I still have a pulse, there is still a prominent bump that moves often & on it's own protruding from my front so all is well.
Okay, there's my rant and fearful attitude.
However, inwardly I am not ready for this pregnancy to end. At the moment, I am not ready for labour, delivery or the post partum healing. This unease is very strong. Maybe it's because I think I know what to expect? Truthfully it's because I am scared and scarred from the previous birth experience. It's no secret that it was awful and traumatic on many levels. So be it. It's over and done with. I have a new physician which will make a marked difference. Yet, my mindset is realing with what was and possibly imposing that what was will be again.(What we focus on we create, right?) The other challenge is convincing myself that I can cope and handle this and that whatever happens is my responsibility and no one can do anything to me. Today, I was enlightened as it was stated to me that I have a victim's mindset and I desperately need to change this or my body won't let this baby go. Talk about being laid wide open. Oh, I so do not want to even go there. I don't want to examine my fears and then turn it around into plan...."If this (the worst) happens then this is how I will cope." My head and heart knows that I need to do this....it's really not an option...but the search within is often frightening.
It was also brought up that it would be a wonderful action for me to cocoon myself. Make daily quiet time for me. Meaning elliminate some committments from my life such as choir and social activities. The good thing is I made a point of not scheduling any social events this month due to the pending arrival of our babe. (Other than mom's group & hopefully play dates with pals.)Choir...well....I'm not keen on letting it go just yet. Although, after my little escapade on Thursday it may not be such a bad idea! :)
Where do I go from here? I would really like to check into a hotel in an unknown destination and quietly spend the rest of the month there. But that's not an option. Hmmm.....what are my options....where's my thinking cap?
By the way....can I just comment that going to the doctor weekly during the last bit of pregnancy is a complete waste of time? Really...5 min with the Dr. for a bp check, heart beat listen and measurement of the belly. I know I still have a pulse, there is still a prominent bump that moves often & on it's own protruding from my front so all is well.
Okay, there's my rant and fearful attitude.
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