It's been 3 weeks since Bup's brain surgery.
Those stressful days seem like a lifetime ago...already. I am so glad they are behind us...behind R...becoming a memory. However, that is the problem. The memories.
Bup has rarely slept through the night since coming home from the hospital and often ends up in our bed as a very sad, very loud, very scared little heartbroken mess. We have tried asking what's wrong....did you have a bad dream....what was it about and in the middle of the from-his-toes-sobbing he cannot tell us the root....other than "I'm sad!"
These episodes started upon our return home. Is this hospital related? How much does one hear and remember when they are under anesthetic?
I don't know.
How much does a child of 4yrs absorb, in their own little way, when doctors, nurses and parents are talking over him, around him and about him?
More than I know.
It became crystal clear this afternoon while my cuddly little fellow and I were napping together. I woke up to hear Bup saying in a frightened but firm voice, " Tell the doctors please don't touch me. Tell them. Please don't touch me." Then he snuggled a bit closer and remained asleep.
Hospital "sleep overs", surgery, examinations, MRIs, CT scans, Cardiology appts, lab visits....it all adds up, doesn't it? How do we minimize the emotional impact this Temporal Lobe Resection has had on R? He appears to be doing so well! Happy go lucky, ready to roll 4yr old. Until sleep sets in and then it's terrifying for him. Heartbreaking for us. We have been so focused on the recovery and rejoicing in having our regular Bup about, that it is easy to stash the trauma away. It keeps rearing it's ugly head though.
May tonight bring a sleep of sweet dreams, dreams that every little one should have, dreams of sunshine and playgrounds and parents and playing light sabers with "my boy W"....not fear of Doctors.