Thoughts in Waiting

We are currently waiting for R's next test, an MRI to take place on Aug 29th. This week the MRI Clinic nurse called with details of what to expect that morning, so everything is on the forefront of my mind and heart again.
We've been waiting for this since May so I am really looking forward to having the results. Not necessarily the day of, but receiving the results. MRI's are not painful but because our Bup is so young he will be put under a general anesthetic to ensure that he doesn't move during the procedure. General anesthetic is not fun. Just the idea of it, the risks, the fact that R is so young and handing him off to the nurse breaks my heart each time. Although I think this time I will be brave and stay with him while the anesthetist puts him to sleep. (Don't let the description fool you, it's not a nice sleep. Not like they just close their eyes and relax. It's jerky and unsettling to see.)
At this point, we have been given a diagnosis of Focal Cortical Dysplagia Epilepsy based on the EEGs and how the seizures present. Will the MRI results change that diagnosis? The old cliche, "time will tell" stands here. Basically, FCDE means that when R was developing in utero, some brain cells went to the wrong spot on the left side of the brain which causes the seizures to present on the right side of his body. This is not the type of epilepsy that one can outgrow. Meds are required to control the seizures and surgery can be an option depending upon exactly where the lesions are at. Although, the latter is an option that I'm not even entertaining at this point. Too scary.
So, R continues to average about 2-3 seizures per day. Sometimes more, sometimes less. They are very brief, but they do knock him down now. I can see them coming right before it happens as he gets this look on his face and his little head starts to drop. Which is good in that I can usually catch him before he falls.
The safety factor has really come to the forefront lately as he has had seizures in the tub, at the beach and on the stairs. We have to be really careful and watch him always while letting him be a normal 14 month old. Normalcy is important.
R's older brother knows about "the epilepsy" and "seisssszures". W used to think that if R had some food in his mouth and drooled it was a seizure only because he once had a mouth full of cookie at the time, but now W knows what a seizure looks like and he too has one after Bup's is over. W will hang his head and tell me he's having a "seisssszure", to which I respond in the same way as I do with R.
"Monkey see, monkey do", right?
So, this is where R is at for now. Happily taking his meds, walking & trying to run, signing, chatting and pointing at everything, giving kisses, playing "gonna get you" with his brother, patiently waiting for the MRI and wrapping himself around his parent's hearts & little fingers.